I'm sorry. I'm not in a state where I can properly express myself the way I truly want to, and I'm trying to take steps to pull myself out of the deep, emotionless, hopeless void that comes with... well, being me. If the emotion of the words I convey seem to mismatch the tone of my message, or I seem to switch 'writing voices', please bear with me, I am actively fighting a mental health episode that realistically, probably needs to happen (in a safe space, surrounded by safe people, which I have, do not worry) for me to heal as a person.
Just know that I am okay, and I am going to be okay. If I phrase things in extreme ways or with weird, inappropriate humorous tones, it's because I need to in that moment in order to accept some things within myself. Humor is the only safe 'tone' I can lean into when I need to release some emotions that are usually tied to something completely separate from the topic at I am writing about. Right now, on a distant planet very far away and in a universe unknown to this space (:P ), I am directly dealing with the trauma that colors the emotions I accidentally spew at the world in manic bursts in a healing way, which has unsettled my overall feelings of safety and well being. As such, communicating directly with people currently is a literally terrifying feeling in every sense of the word. Even in a video game such as Ultima Online or a Safe Space in Discord like a group of friends or the community here I am delighted to have found. Just understand that if I suddenly withdraw, or stop responding, or, in UO, recall away, I am overwhelmed in the moment and need to collect myself, and I am sorry. Please give me some patience while I navigate this within myself, and, if you wish to comment on my process, please make it abundantly clear if you ask direct questions about what I am going through that you are coming with good intentions, because I may not be able to interpret that context correctly right now. I will not lash out at you, but I will probably start crying because the question made me uncomfortable LOL, and honestly, I need to learn to be okay with feeling uncomfortable again. I have been stuck surviving for so long that I'm struggling to learn to adjust to a life that is, at its core, worth living.